Derek Smith’s Real Answers

The Mirror of Self-Reflection

It is the most common cause of friction between two people and affects the vast majority of us. No one sees the other person as they ‘really are’ as there are no cracks in the mirror! Nothing gets past it.

YOU <<<<<mirror<<<<< how you see another person. The actual person.

The arrows are all your beliefs, fixed ideas, opinions… bouncing off the mirror of ‘self-reflection’ back at you. That, in reality, is happening to you!

In the years I have been working with people wanting to improve their relationships, progress is only made once a person recognises the extent to which they only see a reflection of their ‘own’ beliefs. Most of us impose our self-beliefs on ‘everyone’ without realising what we are doing. No one really knows the ‘real’ other person.

Unbelievable as it sounds, they are having the disagreement or break up with their idea of the other person not with the ‘actual’ person! They are having a two-way communication with themselves as all their own created past beliefs bounce off the mirror back at them!

It is pointless trying to read the other person’s mind because you are reading your own.

In reality, people often never see beyond their personal mirror of self-reflection, therefore they can converse with others and never even “see” or “hear” the other person.

This will help you to understand this concept.

Recall a disagreement when for example, you decided to break up with someone. Were you arguing with the other person or were you arguing with all your ‘own’ created self-beliefs.

You say something that you think is accurate, based on your past beliefs. Then, when you are confronted about it, whatever the ‘other person’ says is absolutely irrelevant, as you have already made up your own mind. In fact, it does not matter what the other person says, as you are not really listening to them anyway. You are consumed with your own reflection and it is the same for them. In actual fact you are both trying to see through ‘two’ mirrors, your own and the other persons!
You are making assumptions based on no real evidence of the person in front of you.

Real progress can only be made when you are ‘aware’ of what you are actually doing to yourself. Then the more familiar you become with this concept, the more you will be able to prevent yourself from doing this in the future. You will experience immediate improvement because…for the first time in your life, you will be able to see what is on the ‘other side’ of the mirror!

Derek lives in Edinburgh and does one to one therapy and new awareness sessions house calls in the surrounding areas including Midlothian and the Scottish Borders. This column is written based on his book ‘Real Answers’. For information regarding one to one sessions and his book please see his web site or give him a phone call.

www.fullcircletherapy.co.uk
info@fullcircletherapy.co.uk
Tel:0131 666 0346

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